The bone of contention.
The low season cometh and thus the season of bitching by bar owners has arrived. One look at the Plaza last Thursday night and the realities of low season were obvious for all to see. So this bitching bar owner told me a story. One of his girls asked where all her bar fines were: she had managed a mere 6 in the previous month. “In your phone,” had been the bitching owner’s response and the girl had looked sheepish and closed the subject.
Any truthful (and there are not many) gogo owner in the plaza will tell you that in reality trade is down to nearly a third from where it was at it’s peak of about three/four years ago. The financial numbers decrease is not so dramatic because of price increases but the bottle, case and bar fine sales are down by that amount.
Most punters will say the problem lies in the early closing times and the lack of showing. It also lies in the loss of Bangkok’s reputation as an open city. People who want to play , and play hard, now go else where. Thailand’s own single handed reputation saving committee, named Purachai for short, has changed the reputation. But as the bitching owner pointed out there are more girls than ever prowling the streets of Bangkok living off foreign earnings. The smart girl these days is a freelancer who can pick up all she needs in the discos and in the freelancer bars, and if the worst comes to the worst on the streets.
Think back a few years to the pre-Purachai era and there were not many girls on the streets. There were around Lumpini Park, outside the nick, but in Sukhumvit there may have been a few sad katoys but not the legion of scrounging pussy that now takes to that street every night.
And of course this battalion of none aligned strumpets makes the job of those selling their own that much harder. Indeed why pay a bar fine when you can so easily avoid doing so?
Not a wonder then those poor gogo owners have had their income decimated to the point where savings have to be made. One holiday a month instead of two: new wheels every other year. Oh yes it is hard running a gogo bar in the Plaza now!
But what are the owners doing about this loss of income. There is still clearly the demand: the streets outside show that. And yes the bone in the average harlots pocket will keep her in touch with those who want to avail themselves of her services: thus depriving the poverty stricken gogo owner of repeat business.
What would get the punters back in the bars and the gogos and the fallen legion back in the ranks?
Later closing would help: it is one thing to make an assignation for 1.30 am, quite another if you have to wait till 3, or even 4am. And that would help in both directions as even the hopefuls on the streets will not enjoy hanging around till dawn for the doubtful pickings of those with drink taken struggling home after a long session.
But the real problem is that the gogo owners have totally failed to counter act what is happening. My bitching friend is one of the better operators but even he has not really changed anything from four years ago other than go with the flow of new regulation. Part of the problem in Nana Plaza itself: nobody can call it an attractive place. It looks like, and is, a faded red light district. There is no innovation by gogo owners and the one example of innovation is sometimes copied but never bettered. And that bar is not nearly as badly affected as the others.
If gogo owners want their punters back they have to give value for money and give people a good reason to go to the gogo. High prices and hand wringing simply make matters worse.
There is only one thing that will stop the bitching and that is failure. The problem is that the bars in Nana Plaza make money. When they stop making money is the day the bar owners will start thinking about how and why and start reacting. So my bitching friend it is the mobile and the early closing that has decreased your income: but blame your own inaction as well!

Gogo Diamond dance contest!
Keep on Keeping On: The last in the Diamond gogo (Soi Diamond, off Walking Street) series of monthly in-house dance contests was held on Sunday night 24 April and, after a slow start, no less than 40 dancers cavorted before the assembled multitude. As per usual, the pace picked up in the second round when only 16 girls were left with a chance at the thick end of the prize-money. With cash prizes for first, second and no less four other finalists as well as the two best costumes and Miss Flower (the damsel for whom members of the audience purchase the most number of red roses), no less than 13,000 baht is handed out. For a long time now, Diamond has been the only gogo in town offering regular dance contests and it seems the popularity of these events never wanes. At the time of going to press I don’t know when the next contest is due, although at this stage I would think it will either be Sunday 22 May or Sunday 29 May.

Delayed Libation: According to a second-hand story I was told about lady drinks in the Kilkenny lounge lizard libation room and noshery (Walking Street), the waitresses wear a T-shirt that reads: ‘Don’t Stare, Buy Me a Drink’. Deciding the pithy little phrase was deserving of some recognition, one punter, a well-known thriller writer, decided to buy a waitress a drink. She thanked him and asked for a glass of Guinness. The customer was a little miffed when the waitress came back with a chit but no drink. When he asked her where her drink was she told him she couldn’t drink partake of the libation while she was working and would have to wait until she finished her shift at 1:00AM. Apparently the girl was knee-high to a grasshopper and would be lucky to finish a glass of water let alone a pint of Guinness. The punter wasn’t overly impressed with the explanation and considered the action a bit cheeky: after all, if he’s going to cough up for one of the most expensive drinks on the list you would think he would at least be able to have the pleasure of watching his ‘victim’ consume the said liquid. Whether this is a policy in the bar or not I have no idea, or it may be the damsel was simply employing a little creativity in her efforts to improve her earnings for the day.

All Froth and Hot Bubble: The newly opened Grottino Bakery (Soi Day Night 2), situated diagonally opposite Ole, the popular German noshery with the Spanish name, is doing good business and without doubt has the best cappuccino this writer has tasted in Fun Town. The place is air-conditioned and the cappuccino comes piping hot and tasty in a large cup for just 50 baht. Forget franchises like Starbucks and Coffee World, the quality of the coffee in Grottino is in a class of its own.

Around and About: The Highway Star gogo (Walking Street) has a happy hour extending from 8:00PM until 10:30PM with draught amber, house liver wasters and Thai rotgut at just 45 baht. A narrow den with not more than a clutch of damsels caressing the chrome poles at one time it’s worth including towards the end of a ‘happy hour’ run.
The management of the What’s Up gogo (Soi 15, off Walking Street) also offers draught amber at just 45 baht, but this is for all night rather than a few hours. The music is average and loud, the seating is comfortable and there are plenty of reasonably friendly dancing damsels to feast your jaded eyes upon.
In Soi Diamond, the Paris chrome pole palace always has an abundance of dancers although most of them are of the hard-core, veteran variety. As an example, on a recent visit two of the dancers hardly bothered with such mundane preliminaries as ‘What you name? Where you come from? How long you stay?’ Instead, they went straight for the jugular: ‘Buy me dlink’. These are the sort of girls who can chew up a newbie and spit him out for breakfast. Even the serving wenches possess ‘attitude’. After paying for my drinks the change brought back to me consisted of a 20-baht note and 10-baht coin. Naturally, I picked up the 20-baht note and left the 10-baht as a tip. The waitress, her face a sneer, stood in front of me waiting for the 20-baht note to re-appear on the tray. When I said, “Oh, sorry, you don’t want the 10 baht” and made to reach for the coin she mumbled something about “20 baht” and stormed off. Obviously she hasn’t ever read The Guide to Doing Better Business.
The Sea gogo (Soi Diamond) has increased the charge for lady drinks, usually consisting of a glass of cola, from a sensible 95 to a gouging 110 baht, although they have retained their all night 55 baht for a glass of draught amber fluid. The owners of the den have apparently purchased the tiny New Star gogo next door and, according to my informants, will be knocking down the wall and expanding their current operation. There’s apparently no truth in the rumour the den will be re-named The Ocean.

Tales from the Crib: As anybody will tell you, the poor young things who leave the rice fields and the wide-bodied rumps of the family buffalo of Issan to make their lonely way into the Dante-esque fleshpots of Fun Town to don the g-string and cavort for the ogling pleasure of randy old foreigners, only do it because they have no other choices in life. There again this theory of Keynesian economic rationale might well be called into question after a bar owner told me about a sweet little maiden who came to dance in his play palace and, after a few weeks, demurely asked if she could, pretty please, join in one of the popular nightly les-be-friends shows with the more experienced lasses. The manager said the mamasan rejected her pleas because they already had enough graduates of the Lickem-On-Toppe School of Speaking in Tongues writhing about the stage. The manager then overruled her because, serious lecher that he is, he was looking forward to seeing the lithe ex-buffalo herder playing intimate roles with other former buffalo herders.

Piece of Pith: Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity